Posts Tagged ‘Jon Koppenhaver’

Smile pretty. No? courtesy of TMZ

Smile pretty. No? courtesy of TMZ

War Machine (yes that’s his legal name)  already trashed his career. After making ridiculous comments about Evan Tanner’s death on his MySpace blog and refusing to fight Brandon Wolff (who Ben Saunders absolutely trounced), he was booted from the UFC. Then, surprisingly, he found work with Bellator Fighting Championships but the people just kept demanding more insightful posts! I mean with the election happening, who better to sort out this political shit storm than Mr. Machine. Long story short, he made some dumbass comments about President Obama (mainly that someone should “smoke” him) and then he was put out on his ass yet again. So what’s a War Machine to do? Hit up a gay club of course. War Machine decided to hit up a “straight friendly” gay club and ended up swinging at security after being escorted out for being a stupid person. Let’s go ahead and break everything down.

* Legally changed his name to War Machine so he could keep his nickname in the UFC. Was soon after fired.
* Made incredibly stupid assumptions about Evan Tanner, a man who left greater things than Koppenhaver floating in a toilet.
* Refused to fight Brandon Wolff because he thought he deserved higher profile fights.
* Suggested that Obama get shot.
* Fired from another, much lower profile fight promotion.
* On probation for assaulting a guy with a group of buddies.
* Arrested for swinging at security at a gay club.

God speed, Mr. Machine. Don’t make too many friends in the slammer.

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Strike Force Does It Again

Strike Force (kinda) held their show, Young Guns 3, on September 13th in San Jose, California.

I say kinda because they never got to finish their show because the gate to the cage was broken and it couldn’t be fixed. If this all sounds familiar to you, let me direct you to an earlier Strike Force show which featured a bout between James Irvin and Bobby Southworth.
Southworth locked up Irvin and tried to press him up against the cage as a man standing directly on the other side thought “There ain’t no way they’re gonna push through. Oh shit!”. This resulted in Irvin sustaining an injury and the bout was declared a No Contest.
I chuckled when I heard this and thought “I bet someone got fired for that.”
Apparently not.


James Irvin vs. Bobby Southworth


“So, Mr. Machine. What Makes You Want To Work At This Particular Packing Plant?”

Koppenhaver's attire for a night out.

Koppenhaver's attire for a night out.

Koppenhaver oughta start job hunting. What could have surely turned out to be a career ending in the Hall of Fame </sarcasm> has come to an end.
War “Jon Koppenhaver” Machine has been cut from the UFC. War Machine has long been more “fuck up” than “success” in his short career in the UFC.
He got together with his shirtless bros and beat up on a guy at a bar.
He was about to get sued by Total Nonstop Action Wrestling for using the name War Machine when they had a wrestler named War Machine so Koppenhaver legally changed his name to War Machine.
He turned down a fight with a relatively unknown opponent.
And finally he thought he had to right to speculate on Evan Tanner’s death and claim that it was a suicide because Tanner “had nothing” and continued on to pity a man who accomplished more in his 37 years than Koppenhaver could ever accomplishing in 100. Finally, Senor Machina said
“I for damn sure guarantee you that if I’m in my 40s and I didn’t make enough money and I don’t have my own gym to support myself or whatever, I’ll probably kill myself too.”

As if that wasn’t enough Conflict Robot seems to have a bit of an ego. He was offered a fight with tough fighter, and new UFC prospect, Brandon Wolff.
Skirmish Apparatus fills us in:

“I said, ‘Who in the hell is [Brandon] Wolff?’ So, I looked him up and made some phone calls. I’ve got a lot of friends in Hawaii — ‘Rude Boy’ (Troy Mandaloniz), Kendall Grove, my trainer. I got the same thing from everybody. They all said the guy is savage, sick, tough as hell, a really tough fighter and a really tough fight. Basically we all came to the conclusion that I have nothing to gain from the fight. He has no name, no fans other than the guys in Hawaii, and I thought that if I beat him, then no one is really going to care because I beat someone with no name. And if I lose, everyone is going to say I lost to a guy with no name, so I said [expletive] that.

“I want to fight someone with a name. I said, ‘Give me Josh Burkman. Give me Dustin Hazelett. Give me someone with a name.’

“They went back to the UFC, and Joe Silva said, ‘No. That’s the best fight I’ve got for him; take it or leave it. It was kind of threatening — like if I didn’t take it, they’d kick me out of the UFC. So, I was kind of pissed off and decided to play hard ball too. I said I’d wait for another opponent.

“Joe Silva — he was pretty much on a power trip. He was like, ‘I already told you that I already have Wolff for War Machine. I don’t know who he is thinking he’s negotiating with me. You know what? I’m sick of this guy.’ Then he brought up the Evan Tanner thing. ‘He made a dumbass comment on Evan Tanner. He’s not supporting the UFC. You know what? War Machine is cut.’ And they cut me.”

So Mr. Machine believes he can just skip the whole “working your way up” part of MMA stardom and skip right to the good stuff! Well luckily for the fans, he found out that it doesn’t work that way.

Unless of course, you’re Brock Lesnar.

More hilarious shit talking from Shamrock. More greasy beard from Kimbo.

Ken and a buddy catch The View while breaking a sweat.

Ken and a buddy catch The View while breaking a sweat.

If you haven’t already heard, Ken Shamrock will be facing Kimbo Slice on October 4th in Elite XC and Ken is pissed.
There have already been threats of leg breaking and names thrown around such as “jabroni”.
Shamrock seems to be hyping a fight like only he can.
Ken has said that he is insulted, having to fight a guy that hasn’t proved anything and who is as inexperienced as Kimbo Slice but it’s hard to say that they aren’t in the same league.
Shamrock’s last win of note was against Dan “The Beast” Severn at UFC 6 in 1995.
With that being said, there is no reason that Ken shouldn’t beat down Slice. His experience has to count for something. He even dropped Tito with a hard right in one of their encounters. If Slice’s cardio problems are still a factor, that and his lack of experience should tell the tale of his first MMA loss.
Keep an eye on this pre-fight hype because this bout is bound to produce a book full of hilarious quotes.
Look for Ken to get worked up and accidentally call Kimbo “Tito”.