"Fuck hole bird shit cock fart! I was on Full House!"
Ever have a friend that goes against the grain just for the sake of it?
Have you ever known a guy that says gross stuff just to get a reaction of out people?
Are you as tired of those people as I am?
Well one of the most well known of these people has risen back up to the surface once again, despite multiple flushes. Comedy Central is airing the Roast of Bob Saget. On the surface, a roast seems like the kind of thing that a person would want to happen to someone they dislike but a roast gets down to the root of comedy. A good way to think of it is like this. When you’re getting to know someone, you probably won’t poke fun or make a joke at that person’s expense but after you get to know them, that kind of thing becomes acceptable. It’s a trust, respect, and friendship kind of thing. It’s a perverted term of endearment.
Some of the people that have been roasted are the likes of William Shatner, Chevy Chase, Denis Leary, and Flava Flav to name a few. Not everyone that has been roasted has been a big contributor to comedy or culture but Bob Saget is particularly shitty and annoying to me.
Bob Saget is probably the most well known for sucking someones dick to land a role on the watered down, sorry excuse for a television show, Full House and then tossed the last bit of integrity out of the window to host America’s Funniest Home Videos. He took a hiatus from the public eye but now he’s back turning that public eye pink. I watched his HBO special “That Ain’t Right” because I thought it might be interesting. “Full House” guy breaks out and says some junk. Too bad that was his whole act. Bob Saget says “Fuck” for an hour and a half. He brings nothing to light in a clever way. His writing is boring and I couldn’t bring myself to watch his show for more than about 20 minutes total.
I can only hope that the comics roasting Saget mean most of what they say. I’ll watch the roast anyway because Saget will do minimal talking but he has yet to do anything that would warrant earning a roast.
Will we see The Second To Last Emperor fight in The United States?
Rumors spread across these good ol’ internets that Aleksander Emelianenko was denied his license to fight for Affliction in California because he had Hepatitis B. I hesitated posting anything on this because they were just rumors. While nothing conclusive has come to light because of privacy issues, Bill Douglas of the California State Athletic Commission has said
“The one thing that I can absolutely say is that he (Aleksander) was not and will not be cleared to fight in California. He is officially licensed denied and that will stand for all of the United States of America”.
With no solid reason as to why this is, forums are ablaze with crackpot theories. Some of which are:
“Hep B was just a cover story, the CSAC won’t license him because he used to do jobs for the Russian Mafia.”
“He got a visa to come in the states. Why would he not get a liscense to fight? He has Hep B.”
“His armed robbery conviction is the most likely reason.”
My opinion? Well I bumped into Fedor at the airport and he confided in me that Aleksander made an attempt on Superman’s life. The Man Of Steel is recovering from a kryptonite enema but The United States cannot forgive him and he has been effectively banned from the country.
Here’s an idea internets. Save your breath until some credible information comes up.
Don’t fool around with a man’s sandwich.
Subway needs to understand this. Too many times have I gone to Subway and witness some bored teen carelessly throw together my meal. Sometimes it didn’t even end up as a sandwich. It was more like someone threw all the proper ingredients to my desired product into a plastic bag. I could have eaten it with a damned spoon. Well no more!
One man in America has had enough of this sandwich perversion. Reginald Peterson ordered a simple sandwich. Spicy Italian. Peterson’s jaw dropped and the piece of sauceless sandwich surely rolled out when he discovered there was no Italian sauce on his sandwich. No italian sauce on his spicy Italian sandwich. Outraged, Peterson called authorities not once but twice, to insure that he was given the sandwich he ordered. What does this American hero get for trying to ensure the quality on the food ordered at this establishment? He gets arrested.
That fatty, Jared is probably laughing his jowls off.
Andrei Arlovski has confirmed his next bout will be against Josh Barnett at Affliction 2.
The winner of this bout will more than likely face WAMMA Heavyweight champion, Fedor Emelianenko.
The reason for Fedor’s absence is due to yet another broken hand and Affliction probably doesn’t want to oversaturate their show with Fedor.
Barnett and Arlovski is a very interesting fight that could easily go either way. It’s one of the fights that MMA fans have been waiting for since the UFC vs. Pride was first discussed.
Give the striking edge to Arlovski and the grappling edge to Barnett.
Affliction 2 is set to go down on October 11th in Las Vegas.
Im going to call it right now.
This is a viral ad campaign.
Not exactly sure what it is for but I’m willing to bet that it will come to light soon enough.
You heard it here first!
If you haven’t heard about the “monster” check out this story courtesy of Fox News: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,395294,00.html
Condit Faces Legit Competition In Hiromitsu Miura.
WEC Welterweight Champion
I had honestly never thought of Miura as anyone other than that guy that Mayhem Miller kicked in the junk and I figured that Carlos Condit would burn through the Japanese Judoka in the first round but he proved to be an incredibly scrappy and worthy competitior, sweeping the champion out of a full mount multiple times. There were a few moments where Miura looked like he could finish Condit but Condit showed why he was a champion and finished his competition in the fourth. Now the question is “When does Carlos Condit decide to compete in the UFC?” I don’t think he could beat the current UFC welterweight champion, Georges St. Pierre, but I don’t think many fighters could. I think Carlos Condit could shake up the UFC and it’s only a matter of time before he does.
Quinton “Rampage” Jackson’s Situation Goes From Bad To Worse
Quinton Jackson's official mug shot
Anyone paying attention to Mixed Martial Arts news knows that Quinton Jackson isn’t doing so great. It started when Rampage was the driver in a hit and run. He then had a bit of a chase, was caught and got arrested. Now it’s come out that the woman that was the victim of the hit and run, Holly Griggs, was pregnant and had a miscarriage. If Rampage is losing his shit that bad after losing a title, the news of the death of this couples unborn child can’t bode well in the least for Jackson. The father of the child said this in regards to suing Jackson, “No amount of money will bring back my son.” To say this is a rough patch for Jackson would be an understatement but it’s hard to be sympathetic to Jackson when an innocent bystander has paid such a high price.
Irvin and Levens busted. Who cares?
Irvin and Levens during some of the more defining moments of their careers.
James Irvin got punched in the eye by Anderson Silva.
That’ll make for a bad night for any person.
Later, Irvin tested positive for painkillers. Is it just me or is it always the guy that loses that gets busted for banned substances? Irvin was never significant to any weight class. His claim to fame is being “The Knee Guy” because of the flying knee he pulled out of his ass to KO Terry Martin. Now he’s Anderson Silva’s first victim at Light Heavyweight in the UFC.
But I guess I shouldn’t say that it’s only losers that get busted for banned substances. Sometimes you don’t even have to fight. Marco Rua’s prospect Justin Levens was slated to fight on Affliction’s first ever show. Due to the show running long and basically working out the kinks of running their first show, the last fight of the night got cut and Justin Levens didn’t get to fight. Too bad he had to take a piss test anyway. Levens got busted for painkillers and didn’t even get a chance to compete.
Tough shit.
Keith Walendowski: Bastard butt baby of Lemmy Kilmister and Nick Nolte
The first shots in the war between man and machine have been fired as Keith Walendowski blasted his uncooperative lawn mower with his sawed off shotgun. With the advancement of robot technology spearheaded by the Japanese, I applaud this man for destroying this lawn mower that was obviously showing the first signs of becoming self aware. Unless we want to deal with a “Maximum Overdrive” situation we should all keep an eye out.
Walendowski told police:
I got pissed because my lawn mower wouldn’t start, so I got my shotgun and shot it.
To see how this whole situation pans out, be sure to see “Terminator Salvation” next year.
…well kinda. Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos had a dominating win against Josh Barnett student, Shayna Baszler during EliteXC’s show on July 26th. Baszler was close to a knee bar in the first round but opted to attempt a toe hold which didn’t pan out. Santos escaped and continued her barrage of strikes until the end of the round. Baszler seemed gassed out during the second and at with 1:31 left in the round (5:16 of the video) Santos drops Baszler with an impressive flurry of punches. Cyborg struts away and starts an intense celebration. She jumps to the top of the cage, and cheers. This goes on for about 30 seconds until she finally gets it through her caveman (yes, man) skull that the fight isn’t over. Baszler hit the mat but was not out. Unfortunately, this wasn’t enough time for her to catch her breath and Santos finished the fight soon after.
I can only hope she lost a fan or two after her little display showed that she’s more concerned with looking bad ass after a knockout than finishing the fight.
Ready your puke bags, ladies and gents. Motion sickness is coming to a theater near you. Quarantine stars Jennifer Carpenter of “Dexter” and is shot entirely from the perspective of a news camera. It uses the shakey cam format used in “Cloverfield” and involves zombies of some sort. While you aren’t getting anything particularly refreshing with a jerkey camera and people eating people, if done correctly it could be a very tense movie that’ll have you holding your breath without even realizing it.
On July 19th, the MMA world let out a collective “What the hell?” as Kevin Burns defeated Anthony Johnson via TKO eye poke. Burns claims he has a hand injury that doesn’t allow him to close the fist that he jabs with so he throws a jab with an open hand, leading with his fingers. Again, “What the hell?”. Burns was warned for an eye poke earlier in the match (Mazzagati warns: Watch your fingers in there!”) Of course, Johnson caught another jab in the eye and couldn’t continue. It might have seemed like he was hamming it up a little bit but apparently the injury was pretty serious.
Johnson gives an update on his eye.
“I had surgery. It was pretty intense for me. My retina was damaged, possibly detached, and the laceration was pretty long. It was basically from one end of my eye to the other. They did laser surgery that took about two hours, put some stitches on it basically.”
